Take advice early, be open about your finances, and consider a joint application and a non-court route such as mediation or collaborative law. Agreeing arrangements around the children’s needs, rather than each of your positions, also helps keep things calm.

In mediation, a neutral mediator helps you reach your own agreement. In arbitration, an arbitrator you both choose makes a binding decision. In collaborative law, you each have a lawyer and all four of you meet to agree terms, committing not to go to court.

After an initial meeting to check that mediation is suitable, you meet with the mediator, together or separately, to exchange financial information and work through proposals. What you agree is then recorded, and a solicitor turns it into a legally binding consent order.

It depends on the mediator and how many sessions you need. Mediators usually charge per session, and the cost is often shared between you. A government voucher scheme may also contribute in some cases involving children.

Mediation itself isn’t compulsory, but before applying to court about finances or children, you will usually need to attend a mediation information and assessment meeting (MIAM). Exemptions apply, including where there is evidence of domestic abuse.

It’s strongly advisable. A mediator can’t advise either of you individually, so a solicitor makes sure you understand your position before each session, and turns what you agree into a binding order.

Mediation is voluntary, so it can’t go ahead without both of you. You can then apply to court, and the court can take an unreasonable refusal to consider non-court options into account, including when deciding who pays the legal costs.

Not on its own. The mediator records what you’ve agreed, and it only becomes legally binding once a solicitor drafts it into a consent order and the court approves it.

Yes, and most settlements are reached this way. Solicitors negotiate through correspondence or round-table meetings, and the agreed terms are recorded in a consent order for the court to approve.

A meeting where you, your former partner and your lawyers sit down together to negotiate face to face. Nothing said can be used later in court, which makes it easier to talk openly and resolve several issues in one day.

Yes. You both agree in advance to be bound by the arbitrator’s decision, and it is then turned into a court order. It can only be challenged on very limited grounds.